You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
