JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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