I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
