You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
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