I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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