I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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