I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
