if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Randomize
