I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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