Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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