Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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