I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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