How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
