Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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