it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
