Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
There's always time for handjobs
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
