How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
i think im in europe. pls send help
Randomize
