It's just like the Real World with babies
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
