please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
