I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
you're hired as official boob wrangler
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
