I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
