Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
