OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
