Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
