We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
