Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
