I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
