we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
