Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Pants are for mortals
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
