Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
