I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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