Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
