party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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