Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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