Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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