I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
