Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
