9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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