Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
