She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
