I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize