it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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