he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
