Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I don't deserve a penis
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
