I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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