Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize