Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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