hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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