there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
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But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
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It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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