I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
