the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
