she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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