is your mom at the bar?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
