I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
