Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
