Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
