Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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