The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
