Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
