i'm signing you up for texting rehab
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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