Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
third nipple confirmed
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
