Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize