What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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