Come see our sink grown plant.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
