Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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