i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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