Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
