we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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