five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
