I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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