he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
