Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
