So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
